Listen to tnichole24s Playlist

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3BDYBGhSgI

Scenes of you come rushing through
You are breaking me down
So break me into pieces
That will grow in the ground
I know that I deserve to die
For the murder in my heart
So be gentle with me Jesus
As you tear me apart

Please kill the liar
Kill the thief in me
You know that I am tired of their cruelty
Breathe into my spirit
Breathe into my veins
Until only love remains

You burn away the ropes that bind
And hold me to the earth
The fire only leaves behind whatever is of worth
I begin to see reality
For the first time in my life
I know that I'm a shadow
But I'm dancing in your light

Teach me to be humble
Call me from the grave
Show me how to walk with you upon the waves
Breathe into my spirit
Breathe into my veins
Until only love remains

"Freedom to Fall"

This past year, but especially in these past few months, God has been taking me on a journey of really showing me the depth of His love for me as my father. Since I did not grow up with an earthly father, it has been a battle for me to to really believe what God has been saying/showing to me. The truth is that no one has had a perfect earthly father, and therefore we all have things that we transfer onto our heavenly father. There are walls that have to be broken down, battles that must be defeated so we can experience that perfect way that He loves us. Believing that He knows our hearts, minds and souls from the inside out, but STILL loves us. That when He looks at us, He doesn't see any of the "gunk" that we see all to well. All He sees is BEAUTY! If we have been washed in the blood of the lamb, by grace that is all He sees. Who He created us to be. I am finding that the more I ask, the more He reveals to me. I just want to challenge anyone who has never asked the question "God how do YOU see me?" "who do YOU say that I am?" to ask Him. So much freedom is found in that. What God has been showing me lately about His love can be summed up in this quote by Hedi Baker:
"Being sons of GOD means you are released into the freedom to fail, the freedom to succeed. Do you know what that means? That means you can jump as high as you like, and you don't have to be afraid because papa will catch you" -Hedi Baker (paraphrased)
WOW!! That concept alone is a a whole paradigm shift for me.
The freedom to FAIL. I am overwhelmed with joy just thinking about it...I believe that when this concept goes deep into our souls, it will affect everything that we do. Are you walking in this type of freedom?

I want to know how high, how deep, how wide is His love!

I was made to gaze on Beauty.

I recently attended the "One Thing" conference at the International House Of Prayer in Kansas City. I love it because the name of the conference "One Thing" derives from Psalms 27:4. "One thing I desire, Lord is that I would dwell in you courts and seek your face all the days of my life"
I encourage anyone who is reading this to just stop and meditate on that verse for a minute or two.
What does it mean to "seek His face, dwell in His presence and gaze upon beauty all the days of your life." Even after going to this conference, I am not sure I have even a glimpse of what this verse means. Hunger has stirred up in my heart and I want to know what it means.
"
There is one thing I would say I am learning right now. To go deep, I HAVE to go low.

"Let's Jump!"

About a month ago, My good friend and former roommate in Mexico, Liz and I were sitting at a bridal luncheon of our good friend Monica. It was after all the food had been served, our mani's and pedi's were done, and we were just chilling out playing some games. She looks over at me, looks out at the HUGE trampoloine and says to me "I really just want to go JUMP on that!" and to which I of course responded "well then lets go girl!" We both jumped up from our seats, ran through the sliding glass doors, kicked off our heels and before anyone could even process what had just happened we were jumping high in the air! I love this picture and the story behind it. You probably couldn't guess how significant this moment was unless you knew both Liz and I personally. To me this picture captures the beauty of our friendship and freedom. You see Liz and I are very oppisite in so many ways, there are many things we have had to work through, challenges we faced together, tears we have cried together, but through it all what I love the most is the laughter we share together and how we have learned to just love one another for who we are. It's a beautiful thing to have a friendship like ours, because we can constantly challenge each other in our stregnths and weaknesses.

a new adventure.

Life feels like such an adventure right now. Although, it's not the kind of adventure I would hope for and have always dreamed of. I'm may not be climbing mountains in my flip flops or trying my best to get down that yummy goat intestine soup. Instead I am sitting here in the USA, in a nice house, wal-mart within 5 minutes, and oh lets not forget those wonderful places where you go and get any type of coffee drink you can think up. I am truly blessed. I know this, yet my heart still yearns for Mexico- all of those things that seemed so strange at first are now what is comfortable to me now. Almost two years of living in Mexico, and it became my home. I am by NO means an expert on the culture, but I was learning. I feel like I had purpose there.

Isn't it funny, how when we start to get comfortable somewhere God takes us somewhere else? I am thankful for that, I don't always like it. Ok, the majority of the time I don't like it and some of the time I go fighting with God the whole way. Usually though, when God is that persistent in taking us somewhere or taking us out of somewhere, there is a purpose. We may not always see it, but there is. I have been here in Minnesota for 2 months. I still don't have a job. That has no doubt been a struggle, but let me tell you something...God is showing me so much. In this extra time I've had to focus, think and pray...there have been times where I have just been discouraged, but there have also been those times where God has just been weeding out things in my heart. Refining my heart again. Showing me more of His love, and teaching me to listen to HIS voice and not the voices of other people. THAT is why I'm saying this is an adventure, because it is an adventure of faith and wondering what God is going to do next. I want to live my life listening to God and going wherever HE leads me, not just in the big things, but in the little things too. of course my heart is still to go overseas, and I still believe I will go back to the mission feild, but when He says so. If there things He needs to do in me first, things I need to do here, freedom in Christ i still need to claim. Then for the first time ever, I can say I am ok with that. Today at least...I am sure tomorrow I will have to read this post and remind myself again.

Things I've learned since being in Minnesota..

(these don't necessarily have to do with Minnesota, just things I've learned since being here)

1.) I have had the urge to say "Uf-da" a lot. Even though I don't hear it on a regular basis, it's a fun word and I want to incorporate it into my vocabulary.

2.) Fishing although not the most exciting sport in the world, really is a skill and it's fun to learn from people who know what they're doing.

3.) Fish isn't bad when it's fresh, fried and smothered in lemon juice!

4.) Having children is an amazing ministry, and I am learning to appreciate mothers, and my own mother more everyday.

5.) The Mall of America is a cool place, but it's not the best part of Minnesota, No not even close.